we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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