I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
