I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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