Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
