You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
