I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
