I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
