she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
