Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
