Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I won't apologize to a one balled man
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
