Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
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I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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