Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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