There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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