my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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