The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
