Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
