Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
