and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
