I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
