My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
