I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
