also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
