hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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