exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Fuck appropriateness.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
