you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
