I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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