Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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