My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
