Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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