So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
