Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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