I wanna passion pit in your ass
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
