I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
