he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
