??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
