its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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