My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
