If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
