We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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