Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud