I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.