I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave