i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party