I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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