You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
