Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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