i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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