I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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