Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
