I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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