I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
