We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
