Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
