Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
