So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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