Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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