How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
