We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
