i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
