The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
