eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
