you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
