Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
