If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
